Should baptised and born again Christians co-habit? In world today it is increasingly becoming
the norm. That couples will co-habit with the hope of getting married later.
That is fair and fine if one is not a Christian because one is clearly using
different standards. These are called world standards. Not Standards set by God.
In the Old Testament God intend that human kind should be in a community of
married people to reproduce and be lifelong companions. (Genesis 1: 26-28 and
Genesis 2: 18-24) Marriage is a relationship defined by God. It is this first
community to children are meant to be born and raised. Sex takes place within
this community and not outside it. For sex is gift from God meant to be enjoyed
  within the realm of marriage, for this allows the couple to grow together in
  love. Unfortunately sex has been taken out the realm of marriage and with
terrible consequences. We have children being born out wedlock, adding to a
  dysfunctional world. We have one too many sex partners that when we do get
married the memories of those partners stays like bad odour to the determent of
the marriage.  This messes our relationships and marriages suffer. So the rule of staying chaste before
marriage makes sense in the view of the devastation left behind by the mentality
of the 1960s and 1970s- the flower generation that it was okay to have sex with
all in sundry. Co-habitation is not the will and plan of God for it goes against
the whole idea of marriage and the place of sex.  This is not a negotiable. We may do it
because will feel it is our right, but as we exercise this perceived right, we
are going against God. Christians
who are co-habituating are condemned by God. Unless these repent and confess
they sins and promise God to make things right by getting married. Again this
not negotiable. The Gospel of God always cuts deep. It has no favours. If we are
living in sin we are called to repent and make a u turn in our lives. This does
not only apply to sex out marriage but to other spheres of human life. God has
set the standards of how we should conduct our lives. God’s standards promote
life and wellbeing; world standards promote self-indulgence which in some cases
leads us to break the laws and commandments of God. God has set the standards
and so far Christians have struggled to live up to them, opting to hide behind
the false vale that it is my right. Sex outside marriage is not a negotiable and
all those who have sinned against God should repent, that is the Gospel of Jesus
Christ. It cuts very deep. Otherwise the Gospel has no relevance in our lives if
it is not promoting healthy relationships with God and the rest of humanity. We
stand to be condemned if we do not repent from the errors of our ways. The Gospel of Christ invites us to
repent and believe in the Good News so that we do not remain condemned. So
REPENT today for tomorrow may never come. We do well to remember that the Church
is not a social Club; the Church exists to extend the Kingdom of God, within our
lives and on earth. That every knee will bow at the name of Jesus Christ. So in
a nut shell it is wrong to co-habit and to have sex outside marriage. We risk
losing the Holy Spirit who is within us if we continue with the errors of our
ways. So we may continue to worship God, but the Spirit of God has departed.
Just like King Saul stayed on as the King of Israel but the Spirit of God had
departed.


Fr. Barnabas
Nqindi

On the 17thof November 2012 we will come together as a
Parish to celebrate our Differences and Diversity. 
Our Parish of St Barnabas-Bluff represents the Rainbow Nation which is
South Africa, with people from diverse back grounds. On this day Parishioners
are encouraged to prepare a dish representing them as a family. You are not to
spend more than you would have spent on a meal in your own home. The only
request that we make, is that you add an extra portion to this meal. During our
Lay Witnessing Mission earlier in the year we experienced something of this kind
when people brought different kinds of food for meals. What a celebration! You
are to wear costumes or clothes that depict where you come from. You are
encouraged to wear your Xhosa, Zulu, English, Afrikaner, Scotch, Irish or
Indian, dress so that it will really be an International Evening celebrating the
Diversity that is found in the parish. If you do not have traditional dress,
just wear smart casual; open shirts for the gents, for the ladies it is really
up to you.  You are encouraged to invite every member of you family (excluding our furry friends). The meal for
that evening is being served at St Barnabas; no supper at home, please!  This is yet another way of
evangelisation and ministry. My vision is that our Church Hall will be filled
with Parishioners and also with people whom we have not yet seen but who are
looking for a spiritual home at St Barnabas. Bring your own drinks! We will try
and organise some light music for this evening.  Your neighbours are invited, as they too
can prepare a meal and come and celebrate with us. This Vision was given out at
the last Thanks Giving Meal in 2011. Our Thanks Giving Meal is really the last
time the whole parish will get together before Christmas 2012. We shall also
 bid farewell to parishioners leaving the parish for holidays or who are leaving for good, like the Kalagobe
family. They are relocating to Gauteng at the end of this year. Dr Junior
Kalagobe has already gone ahead to Gauteng. Silvia and Keith Koning have already
relocated to Ashburton PMB, so let us make it a real celebration for the meeting
of old and new members and the saying of goodbyes to those who are leaving for
new adventures in 2013. Time: 1830 for 1900 on the 17th of November
2012. All Children are invited. The Men’s Group will organise the fire to braai
and we will provide the ice, but bring your own lamb chops and KomTerug
Boerwors.  We will start with a short Praise and Worship Time led by the Music Team in the Church
Hall.
Fr. Barnabas Nqindi

Divorce is often looked down upon.  One
of the reasons is that it is seen as a sign of failure! Of course one has to be
candid about that human relationships do fail, an example of that is our failed
relationship with God;  When Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden tree. 
So the Garden of Eden represents our first example of a failed
relationship.  When divorce does takes place the whole community has failed the couple. What? You may be
saying!  When people divorce at
some level it shows how the community has been supporting the couple since the
first day of marriage. Do we put our hands in the pocket and say the couple
should get on with it? Or do we call on them to ask, how are you doing? Divorce
reflects how a couple were pastorally supported by the community. 
In African in the old days at the first sign of trouble an Aunt or Uncle
would be sent in to resolve the issues. Now with a nucleus families and urban
life this has ceased.  This has put  immense pressure on married couples to cope with raising children and the rat
race of urban life.
If a community raises its children to be violent and to rule with a knobkerrie it cannot hope
to have relationships that are honest, loving, and caring. 
For such is never encouraged, children who are raised in the environment
in which a father is feared make it difficult for love to be expressed.  Many adults have never been told by a
parent,“I love you.”   To be told I love you, helps us to have sense of belonging and to have high
self-esteem, high value of self and to be emotionally secure. On the other hand
when we see a couple in a loving relationship at some point it reflects the
community they have been raised. The first community which we are raised is the
community of father and mother. Depending how these two people manage us as
babies’ right up to our adult life can sometimes determine how we turn out to be
in the community and how we relate to people. Of course our childhood does not
hold us at ransom we have the power to change direction.  If we are raised in a home that loving, caring and honesty then we have chance to make it. Yes sometimes even those raised in these homes can turn out to be a
poor reflection of this back ground.   But it is imperative that children
are raised in way that will promote them to thrive as adults. Whether in a
single parent, divorced and marriage environment. This helps lessen divorce, or
difficult in relationships later in life. 
We may not stop divorce because human life is complex and complicated,
but we lessen the chance of it happening. However one has to always remember
that human emotions are messy.   So divorce can be seen in many
different angles and this is one of the many ways. We are all involved when a
marriage takes place we are equally all involved when a divorce takes place.
This stops us from looking down at divorced people for the scars these carry
originate in the community, which we are part off. 
Remember parents are responsible to God in how children are raised.  For God in his wisdom taught that teach
the child in the ways he should go so that when he is an adult he will bring
honour to the family, in this case the whole community. Remember that it takes a
whole village to raise a child; we will do well if we took heed of this
teaching.  


Fr. Barnabas Nqindi